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Creation Museum: First Impressions

I’d say the Creation Museum is an apt name for a place that completely makes things up as it goes along. The curators there have created for themselves a temple to confirmation bias, to the reduction of cognitive dissonance, and to all the definitions of the word parochial.  Frankly I was shocked and a little disappointed to see no anthropologists lurking between the plastic ferns hastily jotting down analysis on us paying customers. (Although, on second thought that animatronic Noah’s laughter did seem slightly more lifelike and derisive than seems technologically possible…)

Breaking News: Atheist Goes to Christian Thing, Doesn’t Care for It.

Of course, this is not newsworthy.  But in that this is a blog and I can’t just write the word parochial and be done with it, here is a brief review of sorts.  Quick word of warning:  I’m going to do the ironic detachment thing and use “love” and “hate” interchangeably as it suits my whim.  If I was a more sincere and earnest man, well, I wouldn’t be going to a creation museum sardonically, now would I?


  1. Production Value.  The place is amazingly well funded.  So many museums I’ve been to were not as well designed or as well maintained or as interactive as this one.  (Side note in case you missed it: I’ve been to sooooo many museums!!)
  2. Learned that incest is acceptable. But only when there are a few hundred people on the planet.  The explanation is that back in bible times people had less “mutations”, so “seeing” your sister was fine.  

Cannonball: “Hey, Wolverine, who’s the new X-Man recruit”.  

Wolverine: “Oh him? That’s ‘Can’t-Bang-his-Sister-Man’.” 

Cannonball: *Backs Away Quickly*

3.  Dinosaur with a Saddle on it.

4.  The Hall of Dystopian Present.  They have a hallway dedicated to how awful the world has gotten without god.  They present you with videos wherein a guy wears a T-shirt that insinuates he might like beer, a girl talking on the phone about abortion, and a woman telling secrets about other people.  I’m not at all joking.  It’s happening right now. 


  1. While I was there I overheard priests and Penn State football coaches saying that this place should tone down the child grooming. The creation museum accidentally (I’m sure) leaves out things like giant God-People and zombies that walked the Earth after Jesus died.  You know, things that are actually in the Bible.  In favor of making the whole thing a showcase for dinosaurs. Which, even if you were generous, are mentioned in the Bible less than Unicorns (accidentally left out).  And if you wanted to be literal (and they do) dinosaurs are not in the Bible at all.  I went to a seminar there and was told they focus on this aspect because kids love dinosaurs and it’s the best way to indoctrinate them.  I will say though, the petting zoo and ice cream were pretty awesome.
  2. They HATE the movie Jurassic Park.  (I’ll let my blogging buddy John describe this in more detail. They spent like 45 minutes hating on his favorite movie of all time. Upshot is that by carefully watching his face during the lecture, I now know how aneurysms occur!)
  3. Wall of Evil Scientists.  Evil=Smart.
  4. All the survivor’s guilt.  I used to believe all this stuff.  And just like I used to be, these guys are clearly terrified that if one single thing in the bible isn’t true, it could ALL NOT BE TRUE.  If we can question one story, why not question them all? So they did everything they can to make it all true.  Every last weird giant zombie word of it.  I escaped this worldview, but I feel like Kenneth and I’m telling Jack Donaghy/Ken Ham the story of evolution, and he can’t crush it with his mind-vice.   

About jesuschristpooperstar

Just a couple of bros.

3 responses »

  1. “Atheist Goes to Christian Thing, Doesn’t Care for It.” and “If you wanted to be literal (And they do.)” were two of my favorite lines.

    I also felt that his words about indoctrinating children with Dinosaurs were telling. “People say we are using dinosaurs to indoctrinate children… they’re right!” He said joyfully, clearly being tickled under the armpits by the ghost of Machiavelli.

    And as you said, what I found most fascinating were the people. The woman laughing too readily at corny jokes in a “You tell ’em, pastah” sort of way.” And as my blog talks about, the sheer ability of the human mind to deceive itself. Double-Think is a real thing. And I thought Orwell was just talking about pigs and horses. (I know, wrong book. I couldn’t think of anything funny about 1984… can you?)

    -John with an H.

  2. They hate the movie Jurassic Park? It makes me wonder why they…wait…

    …I got it…

    They hate it because Jurassic Park, even though it’s kind of far fetched, makes WAY more sense than their whole “Dino belonged to Jesus not Fred Flintstone” idea.

    I love how a man liking beer, a girl talking about abortion, and women gossiping is the worst they could think of. Religious men molesting children, millions of people dying in the name of their God, and people’s rights being taken from them must be on the “Eh, that’s not so bad” list.

  3. They think Jurassic Park is for the birds. Literally. They dont like how it pushes the evolution “agenda”, that dinos became birds. The speaker was a Phd grad from VANDERBILT. He described evolution using a (what I am hoping was a metaphor) story of a T-Rex climbing a tree and not being able to fly. He might actually think thats how it happened though.


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